This piece is phenomenal, Duncan. I have always resisted sitting with discomfort. I default to wanting to fix things for my children, too. Your childhood experience is a story that could have been in The Continuum Concept, by Jean Liedloff. In her writings, she explains emotional deprivation (and other effects) caused by infants missing the in-arms phase that took place for a majority of our ancestors. Over the last couple of thousand years, society has encouraged mothers to ignore instincts and parent in unnatural ways. Not holding babies enough and letting them cry it out are intended to avoid spoiling them or causing them to be too dependent. Sickening and heart-wrenching. I have never struggled to get through a book as I have this one. Thankfully, I have mostly listened to my instincts and have done many things "right" with my babies. Of course, I cannot help but imagine how some things would have gone better had I read her book before they were born. The reassurance that I was right to ignore the advice of "experts" is nice. Yes, we are all so fucked up. Thank you for the reminder to do away with the shame and be honest when it comes to my wounds. I needed that. Much respect. 50 claps, well deserved! <3