Self-sabotage: 5 Tactics to Help Keep Yourself In Check
Tools that always help me stay out of my way.
Are you still trying to make those dreams come true, but somehow keep ruining your chances for success?
It’s beyond frustrating!
You aren’t alone.
If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that self sabotage is always rooted in responding to emotion.
The good news? There are ways to work through it — I am sharing the tools I’ve learned over the last decade.
Read on and try one of them out today!
Self-Awareness and Reflection
If you understand the cause of a problem, you can begin to understand how you might fix it.
Self-sabotage is a reaction to our emotions. These emotions can stem from trauma, negative experiences, or having similar patterns modeled to us during childhood.
No blame or shame allowed here.
The goal is to identify the root cause of your self-sabotage.
When reflecting on childhood and past experiences (and behavior of parents and others), I hope you’ll do so honestly.
It’s important to have compassion for yourself and others.
What emotional needs might your patterns be linked to? Reflect on your emotions and question how and why self-sabotage makes sense as a reaction.
Practice Tolerating Uncomfortable Feelings
Pain and fear.
These feelings and emotions are often behind self-sabotage.
What crutches fail to serve you when trying to reach your goals?
My biggest struggle has always been perfectionism.
I’ll always think back to reading “Perfectionism is fear in high heeled shoes,” a line from Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert.
I stopped and shook my head after reading that.
Those words made something click in my mind and I made the connection between the pattern and the emotion behind it.
I was afraid to succeed (and afraid to fail), so if anything I attempted wasn’t perfect from the start then I stopped.
Ironic that I failed as a result of trying to avoid failing.
I had to learn to be okay with feeling fear, practice accepting it, and do things anyway.
If you’ve been keeping ideas and dreams inside your head because of fear, try letting them out (in whatever form).
It’s okay to create something that is just “good enough”.
Not perfect.
Good enough.
You will improve over time (instead of wasting time and having little or nothing to show).
Micro Goals
Sudden and drastic changes of habits and routines (even when for good reasons) can set us up for slipping back into undesirable ways. This is because we naturally crave predictability and safety.
I’m not suggesting you throw away big dreams or goals.
Always hold on to those!
Add setting micro-goals to the equation. It’s easy and fun!
You can gain momentum towards bigger goals from consistently achieving small goals. It gives you motivation and reassures you that you have what it takes.
Natalie Hodson, an incredible business mentor of mine, taught me a great way to use micro-goals. You set nine achievable micro-goals, weekly. Three personal, three family, and three business or career-related.
Micro goal examples:
- Do 5 minutes of deep breathing at least four days this week
- Play a board game with the kids one night this week
- Free-write for 20 minutes three times this week
If life is crazy, make your goals visible. Write them on sticky notes, or whatever you have, and put them around the house.
Heck, I have some in my car.
Aim to set new micro-goals weekly.
Soon, you’ll have momentum towards bigger goals and might even find yourself overachieving!
Meditation and Rhythmic Deep Breathing
Our minds and spirit become easily impaired by fast-paced and self-sacrificing ways of living.
Is life so hectic that you cringe at the thought of one more to-do?
I can relate. I’ve been there!
Five minutes (yes, just five) of meditation OR breathing truly makes a big difference emotionally and physically.
I remember having post-pregnancy high blood pressure and being desperate to lower it naturally. When I found an article about using rhythmic breathing to do so, I started with five minutes before getting out of bed. It worked! Every day I did so, my numbers were down around 20 digits (starting from day one).
When your mind is clearer and calmer, self-reflection, healing, development, and growth come easier.
If you don’t practice breathing or meditation, give either a try!
Redefine and Embrace Failure
Popular culture paints an ugly picture of failure.
Until recently, I didn’t think much of this. Have you ever questioned why you have such a strong desire to avoid failure?
Learning that failure is an opportunity changes the game. Life is about growing through making mistakes and learning from them. Even though I knew this, it wasn’t easy to change the deeply ingrained perceptions I had of failure.
We can’t control outcomes. We can control effort. Redefining failure is worth the effort. Let go of the outcome, take more risks, and gain experiences.
Experiences are like steps on a stairway to success. -Author Amanda Jean
Failure is an opportunity to learn and grow. Most importantly, it’s a key that unlocks an opportunity to achieve!
I hope at least one of these tactics stood out to you and can bring you closer to overcoming self-sabotage. Please consider sharing your thoughts in the comments —I would love to hear from you!
As always, thank you for reading!
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